The Pain And Sorrow That Holds Me Back

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2010-06-21
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The pain and sorrow that holds me back
 Carbuncle.Cardinalgate
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By Carbuncle.Cardinalgate 2017-11-20 01:54:12  
I haven't thought about XI until a week or so ago after reading a XI twitter post about the game so IL get down to the point because I'm not use to sharing my feelings with anyone so here goes.

Dec 24 2014 was a dark day for me and this was when I feel off. My brother called me up around 11am told me to get dressed and that he was otw to my house of course he wouldn't tell me over the phone it didn't help that when I woke up that day I felt like something terrible had happened but I went on with the day. My bro makes it around 11:30 he takes me to kindred hospital so we go in and made out way to the 2nd floor my brother told me to go in the room it was my grandma the most important women in my life gone she gave it all she had to last this long but she's gone and nothing else matters after this day alcohol and drugs followed...

Tldr: understand alot of my XI adventures I shared with her and now she is gone well I'm finding it impossible to snap back has anyone been down this path and how did you recover?

Just looking for help
 Carbuncle.Cardinalgate
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By Carbuncle.Cardinalgate 2017-11-20 01:55:11  
Typed the title "sorrow" sorry for DP
 
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By 2017-11-20 03:53:36
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By Foxfire 2017-11-20 05:19:17  
I don't want to dismiss your issues, but honestly, therapy.

If your immediate therapist doesn't make you feel heard, find a new therapist. This is very important. The therapist has to want to help you, and consequently help you recover. Good luck.
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By DirectX 2017-11-20 05:30:25  
So you stopped playing after your nan died and started taking drugs and alcohol instead?
 Phoenix.Darkspawn
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By Phoenix.Darkspawn 2017-11-20 06:17:25  
The process you are living is called grief, from what i resd you two used to play the game toghter, if this is the case replaying it its like facing her death, about alcohol and drugs this is your escape valve, you need to let go and recover from this, seek help from a councelor i bet you can be better, think as how you can honor her, it helps with the process, i know been there but in my case it was my wife.
 
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By Anna Ruthven 2017-11-20 08:04:43  
As others have recommended, I'd suggest finding a professional therapist.

Most of my friends quit during the mess with Matsui attempting to obsolete Relics, Empyreans, and Mythics in 2013. I lost interest and quit, I never did go back. I ended up playing XIV with some of the people here on AH. XIV is fun but it lacks a lot of the things I loved about XI. :/
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By Justuas 2017-11-20 08:28:22  
Anna Ruthven said: »
Most of my friends quit during the mess with Matsui attempting to obsolete Relics, Empyreans, and Mythics in 2013. I lost interest and quit, I never did go back. I ended up playing XIV with some of the people here on AH. XIV is fun but it lacks a lot of the things I loved about XI. :/
Traitor. Why are you even a mod here when you don't play the game.
Relics are obsolete in xiv too so why aren't you quitting there too?
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 Carbuncle.Cardinalgate
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By Carbuncle.Cardinalgate 2017-11-20 09:17:25  
I started seeing a therapist after my mom passed a year later
 
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By 2017-11-20 09:23:16
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 Garuda.Chanti
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By Garuda.Chanti 2017-11-20 11:07:15  
We are all creatures of habit and tend to fall into patterns and routines.

Try to change your patterns. Simple things like waking up 1/2 hour early and taking a 1/2 hour walk before work, bringing lunch instead of going out or vice versa. Whatever you usually do after work do something different.

If you can, use a vacation day to make a 3 day weekend and get out of town for those days.

When you find yourself doing the same old same old, ask yourself what you could be doing instead.

If the alcohol and drugs are consumed in a social setting go somewhere else. If they are consumed in private get out of the house.

Also, grief consoling.

/comfort
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By Anna Ruthven 2017-11-20 13:59:32  
Justuas said: »
Anna Ruthven said: »
Most of my friends quit during the mess with Matsui attempting to obsolete Relics, Empyreans, and Mythics in 2013. I lost interest and quit, I never did go back. I ended up playing XIV with some of the people here on AH. XIV is fun but it lacks a lot of the things I loved about XI. :/
Traitor. Why are you even a mod here when you don't play the game.
Relics are obsolete in xiv too so why aren't you quitting there too?
Most of this site's staff no longer play but the game was important enough to us to want to still be part of the community.
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By Justuas 2017-11-20 14:12:55  
Anna Ruthven said: »
Justuas said: »
Anna Ruthven said: »
Most of my friends quit during the mess with Matsui attempting to obsolete Relics, Empyreans, and Mythics in 2013. I lost interest and quit, I never did go back. I ended up playing XIV with some of the people here on AH. XIV is fun but it lacks a lot of the things I loved about XI. :/
Traitor. Why are you even a mod here when you don't play the game.
Relics are obsolete in xiv too so why aren't you quitting there too?
Most of this site's staff no longer play but the game was important enough to us to want to still be part of the community.
Okay I get that. You didn't answer my question tho.
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By Anna Ruthven 2017-11-20 14:40:32  
Justuas said: »
Anna Ruthven said: »
Justuas said: »
Anna Ruthven said: »
Most of my friends quit during the mess with Matsui attempting to obsolete Relics, Empyreans, and Mythics in 2013. I lost interest and quit, I never did go back. I ended up playing XIV with some of the people here on AH. XIV is fun but it lacks a lot of the things I loved about XI. :/
Traitor. Why are you even a mod here when you don't play the game.
Relics are obsolete in xiv too so why aren't you quitting there too?
Most of this site's staff no longer play but the game was important enough to us to want to still be part of the community.
Okay I get that. You didn't answer my question tho.
I answered one, the answer to the other is that they were never portrayed as staying relevant in XIV, they were introduced at lv 50 and were able to be upgraded at 60. In XI Relics were introduced at lv 75, which was assumed to be top level and when the cap was raised, they were upgradable all the way to lv 99 under Tanaka's reign. Matsui came in and revealed he had no intentions to keep Relics relevant let alone upgradable. It's very different.
 
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 Shiva.Nikolce
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By Shiva.Nikolce 2017-11-20 15:24:13  
Carbuncle.Cardinalgate said: »
I'm finding it impossible to snap back has anyone been down this path and how did you recover?

sooner or later you will realize that wallowing in self pity is not what she would have wanted for you. you'll pull your head out of your *** eventually.

I could remove all the pain and loss but that would also take all of the happiness you shared away. you can't have only one or the other it's both or nothing at all.

that's the hardest life lesson of them all.

you can close yourself off, drown it all out... but that doesn't solve anything.

she saw something special in you... that perhaps you have yet to discover for yourself but it's there.

and you know what you have to do. you have to become the man she saw inside of you all along.

it isn't going to be easy. in the same way that nothing worth doing is.


I learned to love the pain because it meant I had something worth missing. Which is hell of a lot better than never feeling anything at all. I opened my heart and loved again knowing full well the sorrow that lies ahead.

I stumbled, we all stumble... but in the end I know she'd be proud of the man I have become. and that's all there is to it.

make her proud cardinal
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By Justuas 2017-11-20 15:35:29  
Josiahkf said: »
If you think the mods are traitors for not still playing 11 Justuas, don’t ask when the site’s creator stopped.
Mainly meant by traitors that you left xi for xiv.
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By Anna Ruthven 2017-11-20 15:38:30  
Justuas said: »
Josiahkf said: »
If you think the mods are traitors for not still playing 11 Justuas, don’t ask when the site’s creator stopped.
Mainly meant by traitors that you left xi for xiv.
I still miss XI, but at a point, I mainly kept logging on to chat with friends. I don't go back because it'd never be the same. =/
 Carbuncle.Cardinalgate
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By Carbuncle.Cardinalgate 2017-11-20 17:38:02  
Well after gettin this off my chest and reading the replies I feel better kinda just being honest but IL return to XI it's been too long

Edit: but first I need to fix my pc....
800% Mad
 Bismarck.Ihina
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By Bismarck.Ihina 2017-11-20 19:16:38  
No, he does not need therapy. Every single human being in the history of the human race goes through something like this at some point in their life, and the odds are overwhelming in favor that every single person alive will feel it again before they die. I lost my grandmother a few years ago, so I know how you feel. I don't even want to think about how many times I broke down. Just have a good cry, or two, or five, or twenty if you need to. It's ok to grieve, it's ok to mourn, it's ok to feel sad. Just don't do something too stupid and let time slowly heal those wounds.
 Asura.Beatsbytaru
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By Asura.Beatsbytaru 2017-11-20 19:52:44  
Bismarck.Ihina said: »
No, he does not need therapy. Every single human being in the history of the human race goes through something like this at some point in their life, and the odds are overwhelming in favor that every single person alive will feel it again before they die. I lost my grandmother a few years ago, so I know how you feel. I don't even want to think about how many times I broke down. Just have a good cry, or two, or five, or twenty if you need to. It's ok to grieve, it's ok to mourn, it's ok to feel sad. Just don't do something too stupid and let time slowly heal those wounds.
This is terrible advice.

The OP is suppressing a tragedy with drug and alcohol abuse. They absolutely should seek help with that and guidance on how to express and cope with it.
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By ScaevolaBahamut 2017-11-20 19:56:04  
Bismarck.Ihina said: »
No, he does not need therapy. Every single human being in the history of the human race goes through something like this at some point in their life, and the odds are overwhelming in favor that every single person alive will feel it again before they die. I lost my grandmother a few years ago, so I know how you feel. I don't even want to think about how many times I broke down. Just have a good cry, or two, or five, or twenty if you need to. It's ok to grieve, it's ok to mourn, it's ok to feel sad. Just don't do something too stupid and let time slowly heal those wounds.

Yes, OP needs to work through their grief and move on with their lives, and they are having trouble doing that. If only there were some sort of professional trained to assist people who are finding it difficult to process trauma.
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 Leviathan.Comeatmebro
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By Leviathan.Comeatmebro 2017-11-20 20:02:41  
worse than drug and alcohol abuse, op is looking for therapy on ffxi / ffxiah

see a professional if you feel it's necessary, don't if it's not, but don't expect any profound revelation or improvement in your mental well being by jumping back into this cess pit
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