Something deep?
Well, for the most part; I seem to only see 'time wasted' as a device that I'm holding onto why I no longer play. Not to mention that you couldn't make a clear defined goal to go after pieces of gear or weapons because the update the following month will introduce newer versions that are better than the current strongest without question.
The very last time I played was during that free login campaign last year and I remember logging in that monday and walked around the world. Took about 2 hours and then I sat in Port Jueno for 30 minutes or so and then logged out. I did not log in at all during the rest of the free login period but yes, that's all I did. I walked around the areas looking for things to kill but it was something else that completely bugged the hell out of me. That entire 2 hours of walking around, I did NOT run into anyone. No one to help, no one camping, no parties, all monsters groups were unclaimed, time/lottery pop NMs frolic without fearing the masses for their rare items... I was disgusted. So I went to Port Jueno in hopes of some pick up groups. Saw 3 shouts for events. All 3 ended up disbanding due to the lack of invites. That was enough. I logged out and threw away my security token.
Now every time I get that urge; "FFXI.... FFXI.... time to playyy" I just simply remember the world I'm logging into. Usually stops me but then I realize that 'hey, no token' and then I just don't log in because of that.
Now, back to my device that I hold. Every time I see someone go, "lets see what happens" or "I still have faith!" or "I'm gonna do this, this and this before the servers shut down" Why?! I don't understand the concept of just doing any of that when all you're doing is wasting your time you could be using for another game. The last hurrah scenario's that SE is planning just makes me want to vomit because they want you to relive your best moments in the game. I'm sorry but that's impossible. If I could relive those days, I wouldn't need your stinking scenarios and would still have a my sub. Why would I want to relive my best moments by myself? Only to be stricken with the sadness/anger once I realize that the game turned to ***once my reminiscence is over? SE still doesn't get it that it wasn't the game that gave me the greatest memories. It was the other players!
Unfortunately, I've realized too late that over my 9 years of playing FFXI, I missed out on a bunch of other awesome games because I could not push away from FFXI. Even though I've been gone, I find myself attempting to fill the void with another MMO but alas, very unsuccessful. No MMO shares that once collected community that FFXI once housed. It's all PvP or anything for profit these days, no longer any room for comradery and when someone obviously needs help in any game, they are shunned by all other players as meat shields'noobs and then the eventual ragequit fest ensues.
I think if any MMO game that could interest me to get back into it these days would be nothing short of full VR. After watching SAO and Accel World, I believe that kind of technology isn't too far off. Although, when I think about MMO's as a whole nowadays, I always ask myself that if I'm ready to reserve my life to be fully involved in a fantasy world like I did FFXI and nearly every time, my answer was no. I no longer play video games frequently like I use to. I'm about to have my first child and start a family. Things change. Always been asking these questions on why I'm still in the MMO/Final Fantasy scene when I don't even play any longer. Why am I a moderator of a FFXI fansite still? Well, the answer is rather convoluted. It's my last thread that ties me to my great memories. It ties me to the people who have played the game. Those who also shared these memories in the same game with others. This is why I stay.
I grew up with FFXI but FFXI didn't grow up with me. Time to end the book of Vana'diel in my life and find my next adventure.