FFXIAH Linkshell Ni

They asked if I wanted to buy a coupon book at the speaker and I simply said NO... But then they asked again at the window holding up the little coupon book and saying it's for the children....

I modified this statement when I was out with my wife at Target to "I have an irrational bias against coupon books"... it would take a long time to explain... to try to lesson her embarrassment being seen with me.

Death to Coupons!

I have told countless stories before about one of the unintended consequences of the "Summer of Love", that nobody else ever talks about... free love gave the world a metric ***ton of unwanted children. The million flowers bloomed alright...I am one of them.

Perhaps because my adopted siblings and I were handed out for free during this period in our nation's history, Pops developed his notion that children were a low cost alternative to "looking weird" by not having any children.

And then they had two children of their own (which they didn't think was possible)and so he wound up with half a soccer team which put a heavy strain on his limited resources.

So he has these three *** he didn't really want in the first place and only picked up because his wife thought they would appear strange if they didn't have any children. On top of that he now had two more children.

I think given a magic wand he would just make all of the children disappear. But instead he spent the next twenty years in a funk complaining about the high cost of raising unappreciative children.

Enter the coupons. Right and so rather than have his wife go back to work like normal people under these circumstances, we did without.

What was begrudgingly trickled down to us were hand-me-downs or procured with coupons to the point that I don't think he ever purchased anything without them.

It was a lot like war rations, for instance, we got two pair of shoes a year (one pair dress shoes for church and catholic school and one pair sneakers) and if we wrecked them we had to buy new ones on our own or wait until the next year annual shoe sale.

And oh God how he complained every stinking year when shoe buying time came around. You have to hear everyday about how expensive the shoes were for at least a month....

Moms clipped coupons like those coupon clipping fiends on tv, before it was "cool". and if she didn't have a double coupon for something we didn't get it. I was twelve years old before I ever ate "sugar cereal" at a friends house at a sleepover. It was Frankenberry and Count Chocula and it was magical. We stayed up all night buzzing on sugar and watching horror movies and the big chuck and little john show.

I learned there were people who bought things without coupons. Just because they wanted them. Imagine the possibilities of all the thngs you could buy if you didn't have to have a coupon or wait for a sale.

You could actually have and wear pants without any holes in them!!!

But not Pops, if he didn't have a coupon for it, he didn't buy it.
Let's say it's a rare occasion we are going to go out for dinner or pick something up for dinner. Pops would go to his Entertainment book and make the restaurant selection based on the best deal he could find with a *** coupon There wasn't any "What kind of food are you in the mood for hunny" NO!!! it's what do we have a *** coupon for!

Just the sight of one of those coupon books is enough for me to fly into a rage. They are like little mocking monuments to the torment I grew up with as a kid. I HATE COUPONS!!! I HATE THEN!! *** YOU COUPONS DIAF!!!!

COUPONS!!! /starts breaking ***

COUPONS!!! /burns all the Entertainment books

COUPONS!!! /blasts the kid selling them door to door with a fire extinguisher

For me Coupons became a symbol of growing up poor and unwanted. I realize it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to people that weren't there. But I can't *** stand coupons and no matter how hard I try to fight it and live and coexist in a world with coupons... I think my wife hears my teeth clench when the cashier holds the little booklet up and thinks "oh boy, here we go again"

I *** HATE COUPONS. I hate coupon books and I hate coupon clipping and I hate shows about people who I Hate that use coupons and stockpile useless ***like four tons of laundry soap because they are so god damned cheap. I hate people that sell coupons and I hate people that use coupons and I hate people that try to give me coupons. If you can't afford to have children or adopt children then *** DON'T it's just that easy.

AND I also irrationally hate those little punch cards you buy ten sandwiches and get the eleventh one for free... it's a *** COUPON! I am not going to buy ten *** sandwiches just to get a free one!

I want, what I want, when I want it, I want to pay a fair price for it. But I want to pay full price for it. And it's hard for people to understand but god damn it, no *** coupons.

I just want to have the freedom to say "I'm hungry for ice cream let's go to this store right in front of us rather than drive across town to a store we don't really like because that's the store I have a coupon for"

O.K.!? is that ok with you!?

/still breathing heavily







oh god, my poor wife...