By Pandemonium.Eternaltriumph 2009-05-23 10:04:09
All copyrights go to GrumpyWookie. God knows where he's been since 2004.
WARNING: If you are reading this at work stop now. Wait until the cost is clear.
Long ago before I was married I lived in an apartment with 3 other guys. John, Bob, and Ted. (the names have been changed to protect the stupid) College students where we. Between the four of us we shared two bathrooms, one kitchen, a living room, three closets, and one parking space.
At the time I drove the Millenium GMC. This was a very large truck. It didn?t even fit in the parking space so I had to park across the street. But I digress?
The ?Pad? as it was called was great. We had every game console available and we all had decent computers. Every Saturday was a Starcraft lan party. The only problem with The Pad was that we had a mouse.
We had just one.
However he was a pain in the neck. He couldn?t be caught. It was as if Al Capone and Houdini had come back as THIS mouse. We would lay out traps. The next morning the cheese was gone and the trap was sprung? but no mouse was in the trap.
One day the mouse got careless. We awoke and found that the trap had caught his arm. But that was all that was in the trap? just his arm. The little *** had chewed his own arm off at the elbow to get away.
From that day forward we called him Stumpy.
Stumpy continued to be a pest for several months. He ate our cereal. He ate our sugar. He ate our PlayStation cords.
One day one of my roommates came home with a new kind of mouse trap.
Sticky traps.
A sticky trap is about 2.5 inches by 4 inches. It?s nothing more than a strip of card stock with the most, gooey, sticky, glue-like substance in the universe on one side.
No really. This stuff was so sticky that NASA uses it to keep the international space station together. The police could stick your fingers to it and you would be as good as hand cuffed. If you applied this substance to the lips of any politician he would actually keep his mouth shut.
We placed the sticky trap under the stove in the kitchen and promptly forgot about it for two weeks.
One Saturday we were getting ready for a lan party. It was taking quite a while to set up. (anyone who has ever tried to network on win98 knows what I?m talking about) From the kitchen we heard a strange noise.
It was a mouse?
It was squeaking wildly?
It was Stumpy.
I looked under the stove and there was a mouse stuck to the sticky trap. It looked as if he was running past and as he skimmed over the trap it caught his foot and tripped him up. He had tumbled forward and was now stuck to the trap with all three legs and one stump sticking up.
?WE GOT STUMPY!? I yelled and tried to reach for the trap. My three roommates came running into the kitchen crowding over me to get a look. I couldn?t reach the trap and we couldn?t move the stove. It was bolted to the floor. (yeah, we hadn?t thought trap placement through very well)
Grabbing a fly swatter I tried to scoop up Stumpy and slide him out. Instead I managed to flip him over on to his feet.
Woops [:banghead:]
Stumpy darted off at mach 2. Because the trap was still stuck to his back he couldn?t fit into his mouse hole. He ran everywhere as we chased him around the apartment. All four of us grabbed items to smash Stumpy with.
I dumped my fly swatter and grabbed a near by tennis racket. John grabbed his golf putter that he toyed with constantly. Bob, a WAR at heart, grabbed an iron pot. Ted, who is the biggest wuss I?ve ever met, grabbed my fly swatter.
The Strangest game of hockey had begun.
Stumpy darted from room to room with such speed that keeping up with him was impossible. With out the large piece of card stock stuck to his back we wouldn?t have been able to follow him.
Stumpy ran by John who had stationed him self by the TV. John swung away and hit everything in the area BUT Stumpy. The TV and the PlayStation were later repaired. The VCR was a complete loss. John received a nice scar on his shin.
Stumpy darted past Bob. Bob enthusiastically raised his iron pot. So enthusiastically that the ceiling fan was knocked off it?s bearings. The dent in the floor was soon named ?Spot where Stumpy WAS.?
Stumpy ran by Ted?
Well, if you can imagine Richard Simmons screaming and smacking a moving piece of paper then you know what Ted did.
Finally, Stumpy ran by me.
I did what probably looked like the most HELP I AM TRAPPED IN 2006 PLEASE SEND A TIME MACHINE sturmwind you have ever seen in your life. With one lucky swat I smacked that mouse across the room. Stumpy sailed gracefully and landed right on top of Ted?s chest.
Have you seen the 5th element? Remember Chris Tucker and his ability to scream? Chris would be second fiddle to Ted.
With stumpy clinging to his chest Ted ran like Zsa Zsa Gabor with her hair on fire, flailing arms, and screaming like only Chris Tucker could dream of.
During his fit Ted had smacked Stumpy and in doing so had sealed stumpy to his shirt forever.
The three of us chased Ted around the apartment trying to get him to stop screaming so we could get the mouse off his chest. His panic attack only got worse when Stumpy started to bite him. Bob even tried to hit Ted with the Iron Pot. He missed and put a nice hole in the wall. We stuck a dart board there to cover it up.
Finally Ted ran out side. On his way out he tripped over the door frame and landed flat on his chest. The Reign of Stumpy was over. But Ted in his panic got up and tore Stumpy?s mangled body off his shirt, ripping a mouse sized hole, and threw it across the street.
Stumpy stuck to the bumper of the Millenium GMC. He stayed there for quite a while.
