Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

Right and so I look like a 800 pound sack of ***crammed into a 222 pound gorilla wearing a suit, suit and one of my super powers is being tremendously loud, so there is always that potential for embarrasment looming like a dark cloud over any social type event my family allows me to accompany then on and my wife gets sick so I have to go to my son's middle school for a student lead conference without her and she is the calm soothing yin to my terrible raging yang, which just fills my son's heart with terror because he knows that I am going to something he just doesn't know what or when, it's as if he has made a homemade bomb and now he is reluctantly rolling it into his classroom and hoping its a dud. But three minutes in and my heart is already filled with hatred, my cup runneth over in fact and his teachers just will not stop beating around the bush with their "whatever is to be done about it" but they dont want to indicate what if any problem exists that they for whatever reason dont have the balls to handle... they all seem to take turns trying to broach the subject so to speak and finally one of them has enough nerve to ask me what do I do to get my son's attention at home, clearly she was chosen by her people to poke the gorilla.

And so at first I mimic their low mumbling *** way of talking quietly saying "and it all kind of depends on the situation doesnt it but when we're at home and I want his attention I usually.. SON'S NAME!!! and it's so sharply and cleanly delivered it just hits perfectly right in the middle of the room like a thunderbomb causing everone to jump several feet into the air. It's loud enough that people from several rooms away are coming to see what happened but meanwhile I have calmly flowed back into mimicing their low tones lameass way of talking "and that usually gets his attention right away" and I go on pretending that nothing abnormal has happened... and then there is that pause

and finally a forced awkward nervous laughter as everone else tries to pretend like nothing abnormal has happened...

Later as my son is explaining the ordeal to his mother he adds "I don't know why Dad always has to embarrass me.... and I interupt him "It's ALL in the manual son, you'll get a copy when you're old enough" and I think he is still young enough to believe such a book actually exists and one day he will inherit this tome of wisdom on how to raise children properly which will finally make keen sense of everything....