Depending on what you're doing...
Merits. 8/8 Enfeeb, 5/5 Para II, 4/5 Slow II, 1/5 Phalanx II.
Use AF tabard + AF head or Elite Beret/+1 + Enfeebling/Spider Torque for Enfeebs.
MND Set - Paralyze/II, Slow/II: Sapphire Ring x2, Errant/Mahatma Slops, Devotee's Mitts/+1, Errant/Mahatma Pigaches, Rainbow Cape, Al Zahbi Sash/Penitent's Rope/Witch Sash. Just to name a few. Theres better stuff, but they cost more. ^^
INT Set - Gravity, Dispel, Poison, Bio I-III, Bind: Diamond Ring x2, Errant/Mahatma Slops, Errant/Mahatma Gloves, Errant/Mahatma Pigaches, Rainbow Cape, Al Zahbi Sash/Penitent's Rope/Witch Sash...
MND+ helps Para and Slow land more plus increases potency - particularly noticeable with Para.
INT+ helps Gravity, Dispel, Poison, Bio, Bind and other elemental/dark-based enfeebs/DoT's land.
MP Set - Intensifying Cape, Hierarch Belt, Serket Ring, Ether Ring, LV62 & LV70 RSE (in some cases), Astal/Insomnia/Antivenom Earrings, Hedgehog Bomb, Staff Strap, and so on.
Enfeebling Torque by far has to be the best investment I made in RDM. +Skill really helps, but in the long run you're gonna want to use Torque, AF bod, and Elite Beret/Duelist's Chapeau at maximum for +skill. +Stat for everywhere else.
Meripo or healing situations, focus on MP+ and maybe a healing Torque, along with Errant/Mahatma Bod + legs.
Wise head, pants and gloves may be beneficial in some circumstances, but personally I don't use them.
During Events, if you're /WHM, focus on healing, Slow, Para (switich between MP & MND sets as appropriate) refresh/phalanx II if you're in BLM PT... - unless they actually give you something in particular to do that differs from that. Slow II and Para II help a lot.
/BLM is most likely gonna be for things like Dynamis, maybe Einherjar... Sleepga, Sleep II, Sleep takes priority, other than that, enfeeb mobs, refresh/phalanx II if you're in BLM PT...
If you're in a DD PT, Haste, Refresh(if DRK, BLU, PLD etc) all members...heals, bar-ra spells as needed and so on. >_>
I can go on to DD and tanking sets if you want. >_>